how it’s going… | Just Shake It Off

saturday, february 20, 2021…

COVID, or more correctly…Post-COVID Syndrome… is proving to be quite the formidable opponent. I’d like to tell you that I’m just as formidable…but there’s that whole “be real with your readers” thing I’ve committed to. Truth is…I’m feeling anything BUT formidable these days.

And yet… other than NOT formidable…I can’t succinctly explain how I AM feeling.

My breathing is weak and wheezy. My energy is zapped. My concentration is laughable. I’m full-out exhausted. But none of that really captures it. I don’t know how to accurately capture it. Even now…trying to write this out…frustrated tears are falling because none of the words I string together will be sufficient.

I need to figure it out, though. I have a long-awaited appointment with a new primary in early March. But, I can’t exactly expect her to be able to help if I can’t tell her what’s wrong. Right…?!?

can’t find the words…

I’ve been here before. I’ve done this already. Trying to convince people…family, friends, physicians, myself even…that something really is wrong when nothing looks wrong. I look okay…but I’m not okay.

In one of my therapy sessions, my counselor and I talked about the challenges of invisible illnesses. At the moment, I don’t look like I have Parkinson’s Disease. I don’t look like I’m fighting post-COVID. And that’s great! It really is. But…might this all be easier if I did “look the part”? Would there be more understanding and grace from others if they could SEE what was wrong? Would I feel more worthy and deserving of their understanding and grace if I looked sick/injured/unwell…?

As you can tell from the title, I began writing this five days ago. And it’s still not right. It still doesn’t say what I’m trying to say. I considered deleting all of this drivel and simply sharing a link and saying “read this”. But…”be real with your readers”. So, here it is. The unedited, unorganized, messy cluster that is my heart and mind right now.

Thankfully, someone else figured out a way to put all of this into words in a much more cohesive manner than I appear capable of.

Please do me…and yourself…a favor. Click on this link that I’m sharing. It explains what I can’t.

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